It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
