My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
