you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
