I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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