My pussy is not your playground.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
