I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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