there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
time to smoke my breakfast
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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