there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
