When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
