just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
