So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
