There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
