There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
