i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
