so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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