not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
