I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
