True but thats because hes a fetus.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
