Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
