Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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