its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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