It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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