So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
