Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
