He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
