dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
