I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
