I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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