put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize