There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
