I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
