Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
