He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I could fuck to npr.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
