dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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