I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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