I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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