What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
