Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
