Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
