I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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