I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize