I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
