I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
