We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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