I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
love makes seman taste better
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
