just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
