I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
