thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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