Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
