walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
there is glitter all over my balls
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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