420 ftw
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
