I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This is my gift to your gina
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
