tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
