the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
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Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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