I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She even gives head with a lisp.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
