just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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