my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
