Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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