I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
