but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize