Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
