with your own penis?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
