Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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