I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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